There are many wedding traditions that feel like they have always been around. Everything from who proposes, to the colour of your wedding dress and who walks you down the aisle… but these traditions don’t work for everyone! Some of these traditions are steeped in oppressive and sexist roots, which is why many couples are opting for more modern approach. If you are looking to plan a feminist wedding, then try making these switches.
Feminist wedding goals
Asking for permission
Traditionally, the groom asks the bride’s father for her hand in marriage. The tradition goes back to the days when women were used to barter. Sure, this isn’t the case anymore but for some couples, the act of asking for permission seems outdated.
Try this:
- Instead of asking for permission, how about seeking blessing instead?
- Have this conversation with both parents or even siblings and best friends.
- The only “permission” you need is from your partner, so as long as they’re on board, you’re set.
Who pays for the wedding
Here’s one we’re seeing less and less: the bride’s parents paying for the wedding. Fans of Bridgerton may be aware of the practice of giving the groom a dowry when it wasn’t possible to opt for the extravagant wedding.
Try this:
- Consider if you’d like your parents (or any other family members) to contribute anything towards the wedding. Have an open conversation with them about this and what it would mean.
- If you choose to fund the wedding yourselves, go for it! You may wish to save up or take out a loan – entirely up to you.
The proposal
You must’ve known this would be on the list – the proposal! Most often, the man gets down on one knee and asks the women to marry him. This tradition doesn’t work for same sex couples or those choosing the feminist approach.
Try this:
- Traditionally, the woman is “allowed” to propose on a leap year, but why not propose any other time?
- If you’re not up for a grand gesture, let your partner know and simply make the decision to get married, with or without a formal proposal.
An engagement ring
Since we’re talking about proposals, let’s talk about engagement rings! Historically, the engagement ring was invented to demonstrate that the woman is now taken.
Try this:
- You could both wear engagement rings because you’re both “taken”.
- If you aren’t bothered about it, just skip the engagement ring and wait for the wedding ring!
Who plans the wedding
There’s this rom com trope that men hate wedding planning and women are bridezillas. This obviously doesn’t work for same sex couples and there are plenty of modern couples who just don’t fit the stereotype.
Try this:
- Have an open conversation with your partner about what you both want. Talk about how involved you’d each like to be and who should tackle which tasks.
- To make sure your wedding is about both of you, you should both be equally involved.
The white wedding dress
When you picture your wedding day outfit, you may very well picture a gorgeous white wedding dress. If that’s you, go for it. But you might want to ditch the tradition (which was introduced by Queen Victoria in 1840).
Try this:
- Wear a different colour – literally this. Choose a dress you love in a colour you love!
- Don’t wear a dress at all – what about a jumpsuit or even a suit!
Dad walking you down the aisle
Here’s another one that stems from the era where women were seen as property. There are several reasons to ditch the tradition!
Try this:
- Walk down the aisle with your partner – why not!
- Ask both of your parents to walk you down.
- Invite another significant family member to walk you (a brother, uncle, grandfather etc).
- Walk solo!
